On being broken

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As the year comes to an end, I spend this morning trying to psych myself up to go get the blood tests done that were requested nearly two weeks ago.  I should've done it days ago, but two weeks ago I caught this stupid flu, and I still haven't really recovered from it.  At least I had been feeling better in comparison to the spring/summer till this hit me like a ton of bricks, but the fatigue and upset stomach that I haven't been able to shake are not conducive to making a person want to go get a shitload of blood drawn.

Hematology[wikipedia] (Hb, Hct, RBC, WBC, platelets) again.

TSH[wikipedia] (Thyroid) again.

CK[wikipedia]

ESR[wikipedia]

RF[wikipedia]

The first two sets are standard stuff, but the last three test for scary shit that can be wrong, and are the tests I have to have before I go see a rheumatologist in a couple weeks (geez, I hope the tests come back in time...)

I saw an ENT (ear nose and throat doc) a few weeks ago in hopes of trying to figure out why for 75% of the last 10 months I've felt like I'm on a boat, at the worst times to the point where if I'm standing I have to touch something stationary so I don't lose my balance.  All I learned is that it's not my ears, and I've been scheduled for more extensive balance testing and an MRI in the spring at St. Paul's to rule out MS[wikipedia].

The rheumatologist is going to screen me for arthritis[wikipedia] and fibromyalgia[wikipedia], and try and help figure out why most of my body hurts like hell every day, and nothing helps to make it stop hurting.

So that should be a good many vials of blood that get taken today, and since normally anything above three makes me want to pass out and I've been sick for a couple weeks, I'm really not looking forward to it.  I'm just trying to take on one thing at a time with this because when I start thinking about all of the what-if's and results, I really start to freak out a little.  Sure, it might turn out to be just peripheral symptoms to my IBS and a sore body from sitting at a desk all day and a few injuries years ago... but what's going on with my body just isn't normal for someone this age.

Most of the time I truck along and just try to be strong and ignore it all...most of the time I am just used to what is normal for me now, and go on with my regular life.  But some days it just all gets to me dealing with all of this and knowing that it's just me going through it on my own.  I don't like those days.

So if I am randomly a spaz at any point over the next several weeks and months, there is a very good chance that is why.  And in case anyone's wondering what might help, I'll gladly take lots of hugs and snuggles, and cutting me a little slack on the days I can't keep up.