Limits. We don't like them. We don't want to be told by anyone - not even ourselves - what we can or can't do. That each of us will eventually hit a wall at some point.

While working on my previous post on illness and beauty/body image, I had several conversations with different friends, and one of the topics that people kept really honing in on was denial. An email exchange with a friend turned into a long rant on my part, and I thought it was worth sharing, so I've fleshed it out into this post - I feel like it's a very important awareness to develop.

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~ Let your loss set you free Heartgirl by Ariane K ~

Health is not binary. People who are chronically and/or mentally ill may indeed be "sick" (a term with a huge amount of complexity in its own right), but we are not on any given day A) sick or B) not sick. These conditions can be lifelong or last many years, going through flares and remissions. But we are not just "sick", we are people with hobbies, partners, friends, and if possible, jobs. Our illness(es) may feel all encompassing at times, but they are not us. They are only a part of us - people who are just as complex and nuanced as any. And yet, it seems at times that there are absurd standards, perceptions, and expectations about what someone who is "sick" looks like. This only exacerbates our already complicated relationships with our bodies.

BB Day 18 + 19IMG_8603IMG_7997IMG_7513

Most of you regular readers can skip this post unless you're just curious - it's time for another update on my throat issues. I know there are tons of people out there struggling with LPR (hello!) and they seem to find their way to my blog in numbers that are pretty astonishing, so I wanted to share what's been going on lately. If you want to read further into my experiences with this, the next most recent post was at the end of 2013 and is here, and my first post from the start of 2013 is here.

I did it! It's real! The first six Heartgirl prints are up in my Etsy shop!!!

Heartgirl prints on Etsy

You guys, I don't even know where to begin. This is SUCH a big accomplishment for me. I've dreamt of "being a real artist" for such a long time... As much as I've done art since I was old enough to hold a paintbrush, and even sold the odd painting or sewn item back in university, I was convinced it was just something I did as a hobby to pass the time.

But it isn't just a hobby - it's MY THING. It's always been my thing. And as incredibly challenging as it's been, I've finally squashed my serious case of impostor syndrome... I AM AN ARTIST!

There are at least a couple people in my life who've recently brought up the topic of nostalgia. It's not just thinking about or idealizing the past though, it's this recognition that there is something they're longing for that isn't present in their lives anymore. 

I feel it too. Sometimes I don't realize it until something twigs this burried memory of a feeling I can rarely tap into anymore.

Pride Parade

Sometimes you feel it in crowds, at a festival or a concert. Sometimes you feel it out in nature with people who are special to you. Or on a road trip driving late into the evening with the music blasting. Or your first time in a new city at sunset... 

As some of you might know, I've been working on an art project for a while now, based on a character I created almost a couple years ago. I've dubbed her Heartgirl.

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Heartgirl first showed up completely out of the blue when I took Flora Bowley's Bloom True online intuitive painting course. You can see Heartgirl in the red painting below. Though I was never particularly satisfied with my paintings at the end of the course (I don't think I even shared them online because they're nothing near "finished" in my mind, and the red one doesn't even look the same anymore aside from Heartgirl who I couldn't bear to paint over), I instantly loved her! I knew that there was something meaningful in her appearance on my canvas.

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