#mama: It is a club, and I am not welcome

There are so many posts I should write, I could write, but sometimes something just gets under my skin and I have to get it out. Regardless of who it may offend, though it's not meant to...


I keep seeing more and more communities, events, online projects, hashtags, etc. that are targeted towards women and branded with infinite varieties of "moms" or "mommies" or "mamas".

On one hand, I can understand that motherhood is a HUGE and identity changing shift in a woman's life. But I hope that the women who organize and participate in and promote these realize how in-your-face the exclusion of women without children it is.

Sure, some women don't want to have children. But others desperately want them and can't have them. There are a million different scenarios in between those two extremes. Think about the pain that would cause in someone who's already been excluded from something they so deeply desire, never mind all those who are just in the same age/gender range and would love to participate in something that is totally not dependent on having children (art projects, business seminars, cooking groups, etc.) with their peers. There are women who want to be included and be part of a community, but aren't even welcome because their "loins" have not borne any "fruit".

I have a strong feeling I'm only going to see more of this, and I have a strong feeling that many will find this ridiculous, or even insulting. Aren't there a hundred other groups to join and events to attend and hashtags to use? Sure. But I think it's important to speak out on something that is thrown around so naively, so harmlessly, so thoughtlessly, despite that it is extremely divisive, exclusive, and even hurtful towards people I care about, including myself.

It is a club, and I am not welcome. My family is not a family like your family is a family. I am not as much of a woman as you...

This song is not about that, but what if we add to the list, "You are worth more than what your womb has done."?

Update (Nov. 22, 2013) A few weeks after posting this, a friend sent me a link to a post on a popular "mommy blog" site that had announced it was de-mommifying its name. I think their decision and the way they explain it is pretty darned cool. Simplemom.net, now The Art of Simple. A trend? One can hope!