• Before we get started, here's some new LCD Soundsystem for your listening enjoyment...

    Much of my thoughts go like an agile retrospective these days... project management is permeating my thinking patterns.

    Good

  • As each challenge in life appears and is confronted, we find ourselves on the other side of it, having either lost or been victorious. Lessons learned, bridges burned, badges earned... We recalibrate, set our compass to a new bearing, and keep moving on to whatever is next. In life and love, I hope and believe that each time we face a challenge, regardless of outcome, if we pay attention and respect the lessons offered, we come out stronger and more in tune with what we need and deserve in the long run.

    This is one of my absolute favourite poems, I got it from a gumball machine in Seattle almost 4 years ago.

    They are in a dark plum thicket
    and she is too far above the ground,
    can feel the lift and fall of walking
    but is not walking. Beneath her
    are the shoulders of a boy
    who is willing to carry her for years

  • What's that? Oh yes, that is the smell of sweet, sweet VICTORY!!! 

    Photo Booth

    And just like that it's over. It's a small miracle that I actually made it to San Francisco for DrupalCon SF.  As I mentioned before, I caught the flu just over a week and a half before I was supposed to leave for the conference, and was SOOOOO sick. I got a fever, then the worst cough I think I've had since I was a kid.  My mom saved my ass and came out and stayed with me for a week, I hardly left my bed the entire time. She went back to Saskatoon about three days before I was supposed to leave for SF, but I was still pretty sick, and was about 5 days into a week of having lost my voice. Making the con did NOT look promising.

  • 2010-03-09 16.11.30

    Dear Life: CUT ME A FUCKING BREAK. SRSLY.

    The last 10 days have played out as such:

    My stomach had semi stabilized for a couple weeks or so after six weeks of massive IBS flareup (a couple of which I was pretty well incapacitated) after getting a stomach virus in early February. When Easter long weekend rolled around (a week ago) and I was itching to get out of my apartment, and out of the city, the only last minute weekend accomplices that were available were a good friend (Amye) and cousin (Colleen) down in Oregon. So I said heck, and booked a next day flight down and a hotel room for my cousin and I, feeling strong enough for at least a weekend of lounging around with some of my favourite people.

  • Ok everyone, let's all take a collective deep breath. Now hit play, and hear your favourite person's voice in your ears saying "It's gonna be okay."

    Pardon the swearing like a sailor, but what the fuck is in the water lately? Myself and so many of the people who I care most about in the world have had a terrible week on top of a terrible couple months. Illness, sadness, shitstorm after shitstorm... It SUCKS!

    The last week, and last couple days especially it's all culminated in some people being rude for no reason, and witnessing some of the most revolting words I've seen online being directed at a really good person who didn't deserve it, and specific and general threats to wellbeings and sanities all around. Results have been mostly people caving to stress and sadness and totally losing their shit (myself included). 

  • Yesterday, I was here:

    quartet rehearsing dvorak (view of bowen)

    It was lovely. LOVELY. That wasn't the only reason it was a good day though. It was the first day in about 6 weeks that I felt somewhat "normal" (ie. not so exhausted I can't really go out and do anything). I'm not sure exactly what did it, but after a giant sleep and a little dietary tinkering toward the end of the week, all of a sudden, something shifted.

  • I'm better than I was a couple weeks ago, but I am not well. Not yet. And the last two weeks, I pushed too hard, and now I'm feeling a bit worse again. It's so hard not to jump back in full on, into life.

     

    I went to counseling this week for the first time in a while, I said I'd been struggling with a lot since getting really sick last month. Mainly, I am terrible about asking for help. And I am terrible at not pushing myself too hard once I start feeling better. I don't want to miss out on things, and I don't want to let people down.

    My counselor asked me, so what? What is your greatest fear if you just stopped doing everything, and rested... And in all honesty, the only thing that came to mind, is if I stop doing everything I want and need to do, that I would feel like I don't exist. BAM. Biggest fear in life right there. Scares the bejeezus out of me even thinking about things like that.

  • Years ago when I was doing my undergrad at SFU, one of the doctors at the walk-in clinic there recommended a book to me called When the Body Says No. I went out and bought this book, and after flipping through it felt really offended at the recommendation. The book is about the physiological effects of stress, mainly in relation to how undealt with stress can result in chronic illnesses, auto-immune diseases, cancer, etc. I though the doctor was implying that I wasn't handling stress well, and it was making me sick. And whatever elements of truth that may have had, I found it incredibly offensive, largely because she didn't propose any solutions as far as what could help decrease the severity of my chronic health problems. So I put the book away on my shelf, and there it has sat for the past several years...yet surviving many book culls (for the sake of bookshelf sustainability).

  • springy flowers

    1. Quiet
    2. Going back to the office
    3. Spring flowers
    4. Views ninja skillz
    5. Dropping my good camera hard and it being completely fine
    6. Clean desk
    7. Digesting = Energy
    8. Amazing girlfriends (even when some are far away)
    9. Apricot pate
    10. New Jay Malinowski album
  • So about that sick. I said Tuesday that things were pretty bad, but Wednesday they got worse. I ended up at the doctor's again, as it had gotten so bad that I was feeling too lightheaded to really do anything. That was the most scared I've been for my health in as long as I can remember. I got a really good doctor (surprisingly) at the walk in clinic Wednesday evening and he figured that my intestines had become pretty inflamed as a result of the virus I'd had, and that's why I wasn't really digesting anything properly anymore, and also why I had become so tired/weak.

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