• Last week I took a week off work for a little vacation. I spent the first weekend largely hanging out in East Van and catching up with Angie and Marci who just moved to the coast, and walking around on the Drive a bit during Italian Days. 

    I hadn't made any terribly concrete plans about what I was going to do for the rest of the week, but had been feeling very deprived of road trips lately. I'm not a huge fan of driving distances by myself, so I settled on hopping on the train down to Seattle for a few days. It'd been about 12 years since I'd last taken the train (on the east coast), so I didn't completely know what to expect.

    Amtrak Cascades

  • The Backstory

    (Note: Some of this first half will be redundant if you're a regular reader.) Somewhere in the midst of being cooped up at home sick for weeks on end this spring, something in me clicked. I stopped caring about not being able to do it all. I don't know if it's so much giving in, or self preservation, or just not needing to beat myself up for things I can't change. Maybe it was survival instinct, or maybe it was being forced to accept the reality of my energy and wellness levels. I'm sure a question my counselor asked me a while back got this all circulating in the back of my mind: "What would happen if you didn't do everything that you want, what then?" My answer at the time: "I feel like if I had to give up doing all these things, that I would cease to exist."

  • Sad but true, my favourite comic book store in town, Elfsar, (who I first blogged about almost 2 years ago) is closing tomorrow. As you can read in the blog post, their rent got hiked over 250%, and that was that. They've got a big sale on, so if you're in town this weekend, show your support, get some cheap books, and bid your farewells.

  • Before we get started, here's some new LCD Soundsystem for your listening enjoyment...

    Much of my thoughts go like an agile retrospective these days... project management is permeating my thinking patterns.


  • As each challenge in life appears and is confronted, we find ourselves on the other side of it, having either lost or been victorious. Lessons learned, bridges burned, badges earned... We recalibrate, set our compass to a new bearing, and keep moving on to whatever is next. In life and love, I hope and believe that each time we face a challenge, regardless of outcome, if we pay attention and respect the lessons offered, we come out stronger and more in tune with what we need and deserve in the long run.

    This is one of my absolute favourite poems, I got it from a gumball machine in Seattle almost 4 years ago.

    They are in a dark plum thicket
    and she is too far above the ground,
    can feel the lift and fall of walking
    but is not walking. Beneath her
    are the shoulders of a boy
    who is willing to carry her for years

  • What's that? Oh yes, that is the smell of sweet, sweet VICTORY!!! 

    Photo Booth

    And just like that it's over. It's a small miracle that I actually made it to San Francisco for DrupalCon SF.  As I mentioned before, I caught the flu just over a week and a half before I was supposed to leave for the conference, and was SOOOOO sick. I got a fever, then the worst cough I think I've had since I was a kid.  My mom saved my ass and came out and stayed with me for a week, I hardly left my bed the entire time. She went back to Saskatoon about three days before I was supposed to leave for SF, but I was still pretty sick, and was about 5 days into a week of having lost my voice. Making the con did NOT look promising.

  • 2010-03-09 16.11.30


    The last 10 days have played out as such:

    My stomach had semi stabilized for a couple weeks or so after six weeks of massive IBS flareup (a couple of which I was pretty well incapacitated) after getting a stomach virus in early February. When Easter long weekend rolled around (a week ago) and I was itching to get out of my apartment, and out of the city, the only last minute weekend accomplices that were available were a good friend (Amye) and cousin (Colleen) down in Oregon. So I said heck, and booked a next day flight down and a hotel room for my cousin and I, feeling strong enough for at least a weekend of lounging around with some of my favourite people.

  • Ok everyone, let's all take a collective deep breath. Now hit play, and hear your favourite person's voice in your ears saying "It's gonna be okay."

    Pardon the swearing like a sailor, but what the fuck is in the water lately? Myself and so many of the people who I care most about in the world have had a terrible week on top of a terrible couple months. Illness, sadness, shitstorm after shitstorm... It SUCKS!

    The last week, and last couple days especially it's all culminated in some people being rude for no reason, and witnessing some of the most revolting words I've seen online being directed at a really good person who didn't deserve it, and specific and general threats to wellbeings and sanities all around. Results have been mostly people caving to stress and sadness and totally losing their shit (myself included). 

  • Yesterday, I was here:

    quartet rehearsing dvorak (view of bowen)

    It was lovely. LOVELY. That wasn't the only reason it was a good day though. It was the first day in about 6 weeks that I felt somewhat "normal" (ie. not so exhausted I can't really go out and do anything). I'm not sure exactly what did it, but after a giant sleep and a little dietary tinkering toward the end of the week, all of a sudden, something shifted.

  • I'm better than I was a couple weeks ago, but I am not well. Not yet. And the last two weeks, I pushed too hard, and now I'm feeling a bit worse again. It's so hard not to jump back in full on, into life.


    I went to counseling this week for the first time in a while, I said I'd been struggling with a lot since getting really sick last month. Mainly, I am terrible about asking for help. And I am terrible at not pushing myself too hard once I start feeling better. I don't want to miss out on things, and I don't want to let people down.

    My counselor asked me, so what? What is your greatest fear if you just stopped doing everything, and rested... And in all honesty, the only thing that came to mind, is if I stop doing everything I want and need to do, that I would feel like I don't exist. BAM. Biggest fear in life right there. Scares the bejeezus out of me even thinking about things like that.


Subscribe to Front page feed