Random blather

Get yourself a cup of tea and tuck in, this is a long one...

Where to begin.  This one's been cooking on the back burner for about six weeks.  Or maybe my whole life.  You think writing about my trials and tribulations with IBS or self-doubt are hard?  Well writing about my relationships with friends and family is so much harder.  When writing about health stuff, emotional stuff, I only really risk hurting myself.  When writing about relationships, I risk hurting other people.  And anyone who knows me knows that is the last thing I would want to do.

I don't honestly know if I'll ever be brave enough to really write specifically about these sorts of things in such a public forum.  But I want to say things, because they've been occupying space in my thoughts and using up my energy, and I need to get them out of my head and out into the world.  I need to acknowledge them and then let them go, and hopefully find a way to move on.

1. Taking it one day at a time.

Amazing little moss ecosystem on the edge of the dock

2. Simple things.

Hope you're not colourblind

I haven't been finding it terribly easy to write lately. There is so much to say, but I just don't know where to start, and most of it is probably stuff I shouldn't be telling you about anyway. But my mind is occupied by the burden of these thoughts, and I need to find a way to confront them, conquer them, and move on.

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My body hurts. My stomach hurts, my brain hurts, most of all my heart fucking hurts. Life goes on.

The last time I felt like this, I felt broken down in a different way. A tangible way. The heartbreaks and challenges were clear cut and easy to explain. But it's not like that this time. I don't know how to convey these heartbreaks and these fears so that they will mean something, so they'll make any sense.

Between taking a vacation, getting the flu (halfway through my vacation, which carried on through well over a week), and finally the power outage that has been going on in Downtown Vancouver for 2 days now (and not expected to be fixed until at least tomorrow night, possibly Thursday morning) giving many of us an unexpected couple of days (almost--still have to keep an eye on things) off or at least working from home, I have been doing some extended thinking about where I want things to go with my life.

I think I'm going to try and post happy things whenever I feel crappy, to help cheer myself up.

Go go synchronicity!

  1. Skipping last weekend was fun (see above).
  2. I got my hair cut (see below).
  3. My hair dresser was nice and let me whine to him about feeling crappy, which made me feel better.
  4. Went to quirky little solstice performance at the beach tonight.
  5. Tomorrow is a new day.

win of the day: haircut

This was by far one of the most fun weekends I've had in a long time. It was largely because I'm finally feeling a fair bit better, probably back to 80% or so after a few weeks of all my health crap flaring up. I forget how nice it is to actually have the energy to actually do all the stuff I want! Friday was pretty low key, but highlights involved going swimming for the first time in a couple years. The funny part was there was a couple triathletes there (World Triathlon Championships were in town this weekend), just to contrast the two ends of the human swimming ability spectrum. Things I forgot about swimming: 1) how psyched I get when I throw on my jeans and a hoody over my swimsuit before heading out, 2) how fun it is, and how relaxing swimming under the water can be, and 3) how much I totally suck at it!

Good times none the less, and I will definitely have to go more often now that I broke the seal! Friday night, headed over to Snootytown...I mean Yaletown, and watched House of Flying Daggers with some friends, which was actually an okay movie, very visually stunning even though the story line was a little iffy. Much goofiness and fun was had over the course of the evening.

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I've got a mental list of things that I've been meaning to blog about, and now that I've got a few quiet moments to myself sitting in front of the gas fireplace in the hotel lobby (oh, how I miss having a fireplace...) I am attempting to collect my thoughts a bit. The last couple weeks have been incredibly busy, between Northern Voice, Boston, and a bazillion appointments, on top of being really sick last week, I still haven't quite had the time to process everything. 

Me if I had been a med student?

Just got home from round one of the big day of crazy tests (as part of what is shaping up to be the month of crazy tests). Round 1: Vestibular (ENG) testing. Following the lights you see with crazy goggles on, followed by about 30 mins of having different temperatures of water shot into your ears while you can't see anything...apparently it makes you insanely dizzy--fun! *rolls eyes* At least the lady was really nice. I am now soggy eared and nauseous, and still a little dizzy.

Last Friday I got my neck xrays done, there are fun photos from that:

Waiting for xrays in the cubicle, am very impressed as you can see...

*Yawns*

I am tired. And I know I'm not the only one. But I'm the kind of tired that sleeping only helps so much (not that I've been getting enough anyway...stupid insomnia). I don't know how it happened, but I think I'm burnt out. Thing is, I think it's more of a community burn-out that's happening, and rightly so as there's been a heck of a lot going on! Especially the last few weeks, it just seems like there's one event after another going on.

As the year comes to an end, I spend this morning trying to psych myself up to go get the blood tests done that were requested nearly two weeks ago.  I should've done it days ago, but two weeks ago I caught this stupid flu, and I still haven't really recovered from it.  At least I had been feeling better in comparison to the spring/summer till this hit me like a ton of bricks, but the fatigue and upset stomach that I haven't been able to shake are not conducive to making a person want to go get a shitload of blood drawn.

Hematology[wikipedia] (Hb, Hct, RBC, WBC, platelets) again.

TSH[wikipedia] (Thyroid) again.

CK[wikipedia]

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