Love

This is a post I've been meaning to write for so long, and putting off until I could fully do it justice, but I'm realizing that maybe it's better if I just actually publish it rather than keep waiting until it's perfect. I don't have the best cognitive powers today since I'm not feeling well, but as I head into a week I know will be very physically and emotionally challenging, this is at the front of my mind and I wanted to get it out there. 

This is very much written about hetero/cis couples and might not fit with the dynamic in relationships that don't fit that label. Or maybe they might. I'm writing about my own experience and some that I've observed, and will be using that language, but I would love to hear from people who have stories that do or don't fit with that in comments!

This guy...

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diamond studded

Earlier this week, I was inspired by Vivienne's "word of the year" post, and really challenged myself to come up with one of my own for this coming year. I've half-heartedly considered choosing a word of the year before, but I've never actually done it (and I certainly felt a level of resistance around it, not sure why). This time I felt ready, but I didn't really know where to start, so of course I googled it and found a helpful worksheet that helped me to hash things out.

I've been feeling very stuck these last couple years, like I've been trying to get somewhere, and can't seem to figure out where it is that I want to go or how to get there. I've been feeling this immense pressure to figure it out, to get healthy, to get going... but it's so counterproductive - pressure is the enemy of an anxious person with chronic illness! Round and round I've gone, wanting, yearning, but feeling held back by my body or my mind or my history or pretty much everything. It's not a nice feeling and as much as I've wanted to, it's been hard to shake. The reality is that I had expectations about where I'd be by now, and they haven't been met.

So, I was thinking this morning... life is weird. Stupid small things seem so important when they're not, we fuck up on the most critical stuff all the time, we hurt each other, and love each other, and it's all so fragile and gone in the blink of an eye. 

This is one of the white roses in our back yard. I never would've bought rose bushes myself, but I've grown to really enjoy them, especially seeing some of them change colour over time!

white roses

Today is a very special day. It's the 3 year anniversary (or as I like to call it "first-date-iversary") of Bruno and my first date in Copenhagen. This first date almost didn't happen because in typical Ariane-style I got some kind of stomach bug the second day of the conference and missed the last two days, but Bruno dragged himself away from the party for the last night of the conference to come hang out with me for a bit at the apartment I was staying at (he was leaving town the next morning).

Happy spring everyone!

ps. Bruno is officially a Canadian permanent resident as of yesterday, hooray!

Wow, I'm on some kind of blogging rampage! I can't help it, I need to get this stuff out of my brain!

I posted on Facebook earlier saying:

I'm really glad that my sensitivity meter is not on overdrive these days, and that I'm starting to just call bad behaviour what it is, instead of feeling like I brought it on somehow and that it reflects on my worth as a person.

There are a lot of rude people on their high horses these days, who especially use the internet as their platform, who've completely lost sight of KINDNESS. Who would rather be "right" and protect their "image" as popular or competent than show compassion. 

I no longer want any part of that. KINDNESS is the glue that holds us all together.

Can you believe it's been two years since our first date in Copenhagen?! Thank you to my lovely, funny, smart, sweet, handsome man for being so supportive and making every day a better one. Love you sooooo much! <3

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So, what have I been up to the last couple months? You know how it goes... Drupal, work, Drupal, work... and then Bruno arriving here to stay for the entire summer!

He arrived just over a month ago and will be here until August when we go visit his family in Belgium and then go to Drupalcon in London. The plan after that is that he'll be coming back to Vancouver again, and then we've got a window of about six weeks to hopefully figure out something more long-term, ie. getting a work visa or extending his visit if that's possible.

ICE CREAAAAAAAAM

So first, a little catch up from before my last posts... back in June, I went to Saskatoon for a weekend to go to the wedding of one of my next door neighbours from where I grew up. The Sulatyski family lived next door to me my entire Saskatoon-life (plus a couple years after I moved to Vancouver), and are like my second family... sometimes I feel like I grew up more Ukrainian than any other culture!

Me and the boys

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